"thread"
The thread is a massive e-mail chain started with the sole purpose of talking about NBA Basketball during both the season and off-season. It began during the 2008 NBA Playoffs, after which we were informed that indeed, "anything is possible." Including Kevin Garnett and Joakim Noah going out on an ice cream date.
I don't know the exact number, but surely the thread has surpassed 100,000 messages, based on Gmail's 100 message limit per conversation (before it begins a new one with the same subject line). It's even got me marked as a spammer, occasionally preventing me from sending e-mails from my main account for 24 hours.
The thread is responsible for thread lexicon: lames, fuck Bogut, fake ass king, and various player nicknames. We'll get to them in the coming millenia. Just search for or click on the label "thread lexicon" for all, er, thread lexicon.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Long Lost DeMarcus Cousins Watch Dec. 7th, 2010
Hey, I didn't know Memphis Tigers' Coach Josh Pastner also stars in FOX's television series "Bones" as a baby-faced shrink!
Coach Josh Pastner and actor John Francis Daley
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Long Lost DeMarcus Cousins Watch Nov. 30th, 2010
I repeat: This actually has nothing to do with DeMarcus Cousins, but moreso lookalikes who could be long lost cousins separated at birth or some shit. I dunno. Go away. No, don't go away, look at these:
Dale Davis and D.L. Hughley
This is a classic from the old Talkin' Mouf page before it was burned to the ground by secret Assassini. I don't think D.L. appreciated it back in the day, which is why he changed his hair.
Tayshaun Prince and Redman
Ah what a rush. Method Man and Redman, Starsky and Hutch. Well, they both look high in these pics, so there's that.
Andre Kirilenko's Hair and Zangief's Hair
Ummm, I need help here. This might not fit.
Andre Kirilenko's Hair and Guile's Hair
Maybe a bit better. I'm not sure. I think I'm in trouble here.
Fuck Bogut and Leelee Sobieski
Ah. All better. (Not sure who it's more insulting to--him or her. Fuck Bogut.)
Monday, November 29, 2010
Long Lost DeMarcus Cousins Watch Nov. 29th, 2010
No, this has nothing to do with DeMarcus, but don't Horace and Darren share the same juxtaposed gangsta-lean-and-chipper-because-I'm-slightly-lifted-smile in their photos?
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Notes From The Thread, Nov. 17, 2010
Pipes: Mike _'Antoni's coaching just makes my dick itch.
Flamingo: Real talk--women sell their eggs all the time. Dell Curry could start a similar business. Seth & Steph are a powerful resume.
Grimlock: Being a student of Sabermetrics, and being a hater of lame euro bigs, and specifically being of the opinion that all 07 Mavericks not named Dirk would have still advanced to the finals I've been imagining a new stat. We already have WAR: "wins above replacement." I propose "Wins Above a Player Who Ceased to Exist." It would be called WARP, because it would be determined by going back in time and shooting the player's mother in the head the night he was conceived.
Izzy Smoove: I still remember when I first saw Brittney Griner. I was like, ummm... wow, that's a big girl.
Grimlock: Current beer pong record: 1-1. I blame the lack of hip hop music for the loss. [Ed. note: This has nothing to do with anything. I just chuckled.]
Grimlock: Waka Flocka Flame looks like that homie from Goodburger.
Me: While we're on rappers... Shyne is now getting in touch with his Stou_emire side and has embraced Judaism. Instead of "Shyne", I suppose we should call him "Stein" from here on out: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/11/arts/music/11shyne.html You know what that gets from me?
Flamingo: Real talk--women sell their eggs all the time. Dell Curry could start a similar business. Seth & Steph are a powerful resume.
Grimlock: Being a student of Sabermetrics, and being a hater of lame euro bigs, and specifically being of the opinion that all 07 Mavericks not named Dirk would have still advanced to the finals I've been imagining a new stat. We already have WAR: "wins above replacement." I propose "Wins Above a Player Who Ceased to Exist." It would be called WARP, because it would be determined by going back in time and shooting the player's mother in the head the night he was conceived.
Izzy Smoove: I still remember when I first saw Brittney Griner. I was like, ummm... wow, that's a big girl.
Grimlock: Current beer pong record: 1-1. I blame the lack of hip hop music for the loss. [Ed. note: This has nothing to do with anything. I just chuckled.]
Grimlock: Waka Flocka Flame looks like that homie from Goodburger.
Me: While we're on rappers... Shyne is now getting in touch with his Stou_emire side and has embraced Judaism. Instead of "Shyne", I suppose we should call him "Stein" from here on out: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/11/arts/music/11shyne.html You know what that gets from me?
Flamingo: San Antonio is 6-1 and Coach Pop used to work for the CIA... not that the two are necessarily related, but I'm just sayin'...
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Categories are informative
(Not pictured: Antlers, headlights, SUV)
(Unavailable for comment: Low-post game)
Boys Don't Cry
Riptor: I was just watching the UConn-Baylor game and Brittney Griner gets more ticky tack fouls than Durant. I still don't see how a motionless person with arms raised can possibly foul someone. Especially on 3 straight possessions.
I can't do this anymore.
It also didn't help that it was some freshman chick playing D. This all happened in like the first 2 minutes of the game and it's like UConn's first game of the season or something. I legitimately felt bad for chick. I mean, your first time out for the UConn juggernaut, and you get tasked to defend some colossus. And your perfectly sound D still isn't good enough. I could just see her crying in the locker room.
...That's what girls do, right?
I can't do this anymore.
It also didn't help that it was some freshman chick playing D. This all happened in like the first 2 minutes of the game and it's like UConn's first game of the season or something. I legitimately felt bad for chick. I mean, your first time out for the UConn juggernaut, and you get tasked to defend some colossus. And your perfectly sound D still isn't good enough. I could just see her crying in the locker room.
...That's what girls do, right?
Monday, November 15, 2010
Semantics
Is it now appropriate for us to call "fuck-headed laziness" an injury? Check out this snippet from the fantasy spin for Clippers point guard Eric Bledsoe:
"With the news that Baron Davis could miss several weeks with his current injury (lack of conditioning), Bledsoe is a good bet to maintain his surprising production over the long haul this season."
(Source: Bledsoe's player profile on ESPN.com)
Next thing you know we'll see stuff like this on the injured reserve list: "DeMarcus Cousins (lousy attitude)" or "Timofey Mozgov (sucks)" or "Delonte West (took Wyc Grousbeck's wife to see "Wicked" on Broadway)"
"With the news that Baron Davis could miss several weeks with his current injury (lack of conditioning), Bledsoe is a good bet to maintain his surprising production over the long haul this season."
(Source: Bledsoe's player profile on ESPN.com)
Next thing you know we'll see stuff like this on the injured reserve list: "DeMarcus Cousins (lousy attitude)" or "Timofey Mozgov (sucks)" or "Delonte West (took Wyc Grousbeck's wife to see "Wicked" on Broadway)"
Saturday, November 13, 2010
The Shaq Face
Whenever I watch NBA basketball, a fun meta-game I like to play is to see how many amazing moments in a given night lead to me making this face:
Thanks to the fourth quarter, the score for tonight's Blazers at Thunder game alone was:
Friday, November 12, 2010
Notes From The Thread Nov. 11, 2010
A little bit of background. There is a neverending e-mail thread between me and several of my cronies on which we talk shit about hoops. End a little bit of background.
Games on the docket:
Warriors @ Bulls
Celtics @ Heat
Lakers @ Nuggets
Flamingo: Noah is sensitive..."Lebron please stop dancing as you rape my team", "KG stop dissing me in Shakespearean sonnets", "Dad stop cheating on mom"...
Flamingo: None of the 'Melos play defense in his new commercial.
Me: Are any of them wearing a Knicks jersey?
Izzy Smoove: Yawn @ Charles Barkley. I'm just waiting for when the Heat start winning so he can place LeBron's cock and balls back in his mouth where they were for 7 years.
Flamingo: Dude...Pat Riley started the game sitting in section 347...now in the 4th quarter, he's currently seated in the third row...
Burger: Kobe in Colorado! Chup, I request some #KGTrashTalk.
Me: The defiler is back! All Colorado hamlets--sound thine bells, hide thine young lasses from Kobe! #LALatDEN #KGTrashTalk
Games on the docket:
Warriors @ Bulls
Celtics @ Heat
Lakers @ Nuggets
Flamingo: Noah is sensitive..."Lebron please stop dancing as you rape my team", "KG stop dissing me in Shakespearean sonnets", "Dad stop cheating on mom"...
Flamingo: None of the 'Melos play defense in his new commercial.
Me: Are any of them wearing a Knicks jersey?
Izzy Smoove: Yawn @ Charles Barkley. I'm just waiting for when the Heat start winning so he can place LeBron's cock and balls back in his mouth where they were for 7 years.
Flamingo: Dude...Pat Riley started the game sitting in section 347...now in the 4th quarter, he's currently seated in the third row...
Burger: Kobe in Colorado! Chup, I request some #KGTrashTalk.
Me: The defiler is back! All Colorado hamlets--sound thine bells, hide thine young lasses from Kobe! #LALatDEN #KGTrashTalk
Bigguh: Did anyone notice that when a fight broke out in the crowd in the 2nd quarter of the Lakers/Nuggets game, the camera ended up on Ron Artest for like ten seconds?
Grimlock: Ray Allen heard the "Ice Box" 2010 Finals remix and got a li'l upset.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Rondo: "I'm taking my South Beach down to Bosh's mouth."
Grimlock: Rondo! Up high, DOWN HARD! ... *pause*
Bill Simmons Twitter Mugshot Watch Nov. 11, 2010
Donald Sterling and Mike Dunleavy renewing their wedding vows (OOPS! guess that didn't work out)
It's pronounced "Joe-Kim", not "Waaaaaah"
Or maybe it's pronounced tongue-in-cheek?
Joakim Noah doesn't like Kevin Garnett. This isn't surprising. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of players around the league just don't effing like dude. Charlize I mean Charlie Villenueva made it no secret on Twitter, saying that, "KG called me a cancer patient, I'm pissed because, u know how many people died from cancer, and he's tossing it like it's a joke. Also, typing on Twitter makes u use internet speak like replacing 'you' with 'u'. Also, I should have taken it up with him in the tunnel 2 the locker room after the game like a man instead of tweeting like an angsty My Chemical Romance fan."
...
Ok, so he didn't say the last two sentences. (Also note that I don't condone the throwing around of "cancer patient" in insults, but moving on.)
And according to columnist Bill Simmons, KG routinely barks shit about his opponents' mothers seemingly at "no one in particular" while shooting free throws. Look at his face on camera while he shoots free throws, and you'll see that he's talking to the ball like Karl Malone used to do before he retired after getting psyched out by Scottie Pippen, not winning a ring the three times he had a remote chance to (THIS IS WHAT YOU SEE WHEN YOU COME INTO MY LANE) and trying to lumberjackoff Kobe's wife.
What were we talking about, again?
Oh right--KG. Apparently, KG also just doesn't like Euros and young bucks. (I wonder what that means for those who are both, like this guy.) Apparently, KG needs to be more "sweet" (with Joakim completely ignoring what "sweet" means if you're using it as slang... or maybe he said that on purpose?):
"I had his poster in my room. I used to wear his jersey. And the truth is my rookie year, I was in admiration of this guy, and he kind of shut me down. And he was very mean to me my rookie year. And he's only mean to the young guys and the [European players], for some reason. I don't know why, but that's who he doesn't like. He's not nice. I talk a lot of trash out there, but c'mon, be a little sensitive. Be sweet."
(Source: http://sports.espn.go.com/chicago/nba/news/story?id=5789761)
"Sweet," huh?
Joakim Noah doesn't like Kevin Garnett. This isn't surprising. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of players around the league just don't effing like dude. Charlize I mean Charlie Villenueva made it no secret on Twitter, saying that, "KG called me a cancer patient, I'm pissed because, u know how many people died from cancer, and he's tossing it like it's a joke. Also, typing on Twitter makes u use internet speak like replacing 'you' with 'u'. Also, I should have taken it up with him in the tunnel 2 the locker room after the game like a man instead of tweeting like an angsty My Chemical Romance fan."
...
Ok, so he didn't say the last two sentences. (Also note that I don't condone the throwing around of "cancer patient" in insults, but moving on.)
And according to columnist Bill Simmons, KG routinely barks shit about his opponents' mothers seemingly at "no one in particular" while shooting free throws. Look at his face on camera while he shoots free throws, and you'll see that he's talking to the ball like Karl Malone used to do before he retired after getting psyched out by Scottie Pippen, not winning a ring the three times he had a remote chance to (THIS IS WHAT YOU SEE WHEN YOU COME INTO MY LANE) and trying to lumberjackoff Kobe's wife.
What were we talking about, again?
Oh right--KG. Apparently, KG also just doesn't like Euros and young bucks. (I wonder what that means for those who are both, like this guy.) Apparently, KG needs to be more "sweet" (with Joakim completely ignoring what "sweet" means if you're using it as slang... or maybe he said that on purpose?):
"I had his poster in my room. I used to wear his jersey. And the truth is my rookie year, I was in admiration of this guy, and he kind of shut me down. And he was very mean to me my rookie year. And he's only mean to the young guys and the [European players], for some reason. I don't know why, but that's who he doesn't like. He's not nice. I talk a lot of trash out there, but c'mon, be a little sensitive. Be sweet."
(Source: http://sports.espn.go.com/chicago/nba/news/story?id=5789761)
"Sweet," huh?
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! CONGRATULATION ON GETTING DRAFTED! THAT IS A MAGNIFICENT BOWTIE U HAVE ON THERE! I AM SMITTEN BY UR BONY FINGERS WHICH I AM SURE U R TALENTED WITH IN OTHER WAYZ IF YOU CATCH MY DRIFT LOLOL LETS GO AND GET DINER SOMTIME BECAUSE U KNO ANYTHING IS POSSIBULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111one"
No, THIS is sweet:
But fuck it. I root for the Bulls, so uh, go sweet. Joakim may have very well been trying the sarcastic or deadpan humor route, which I fully support. And regardless, I hope they smash the Golden State Tru Warierz tonight. In any case, "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
Hey, did you know that Noah and his girlfriend have the same hair?
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Ain't no such thing as halfway Cook
Flamingo: Is there a rule that if your last name is Cook you have to shoot whenever you get the ball?
*internet search churn*
Brian Cook: 0.100 FG%, career chucker
Daequan Cook: 0.267 FG%, career chucker
Omar Cook: 0.333 FG%, no career
Me: Yes. Yes there is.
*internet search churn*
Brian Cook: 0.100 FG%, career chucker
Daequan Cook: 0.267 FG%, career chucker
Omar Cook: 0.333 FG%, no career
Me: Yes. Yes there is.
Vegemite Hate?
Me: A certain team scored 41 points in its first quarter against a certain metropolitan team named after pants...
Burger: Hey Grimlock, how you feel about what's up in Milwaukee right now? Hmm?
Me: Wait for it... wait for it...
Burger: Watch the fish, Marge...
Grimlock: First of all, fuck Bogut-
Me: THERE IT IS!!!!!!!!
Burger: Hey Grimlock, how you feel about what's up in Milwaukee right now? Hmm?
Me: Wait for it... wait for it...
Burger: Watch the fish, Marge...
Grimlock: First of all, fuck Bogut-
Me: THERE IT IS!!!!!!!!
Get a room
Burger: "Kevin Durant of Oklahoma City Thunder gets his own shootaround with President Barack Obama - ESPN http://es.pn/avUaEG" ...Love this dude's humility. The Force is strong with this one.
Grimlock: Fuck a humble.
Burger: Fuck a you.
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