I Really Hate The Lakers And Mavs

Dear Buddha,

Ideally, these Mavericks and Lakers teams would cease to exist. But I know you aren't violent, and I know you promote love. Thusforth, please kindly transmogrify each and every Laker and Maverick on the court and on the bench into puppies.

Neutered puppies.

Also, Jack Nicholson can be an owl and Mark Cuban can be a hippo.

Thank you kindly.
Your Devoted Disciple

PS - Forget the neutering. Just make them all female, like in Jurassic Park, except without amphibian DNA so they cannot reproduce. Dirk and Kobe are already technically female dogs anyway, so there is less work for you to do.

Blake and Timofey made a poster for EA Sports!

Kaboom.

Play Basketball For Duke. Breed a Rhino.

Categories are informative

(Not pictured: Antlers, headlights, SUV)

(Unavailable for comment: Low-post game)

Semantics

Is it now appropriate for us to call "fuck-headed laziness" an injury? Check out this snippet from the fantasy spin for Clippers point guard Eric Bledsoe:

"With the news that Baron Davis could miss several weeks with his current injury (lack of conditioning), Bledsoe is a good bet to maintain his surprising production over the long haul this season."
(Source: Bledsoe's player profile on ESPN.com)

Next thing you know we'll see stuff like this on the injured reserve list: "DeMarcus Cousins (lousy attitude)" or "Timofey Mozgov (sucks)" or "Delonte West (took Wyc Grousbeck's wife to see "Wicked" on Broadway)"

Rondo: "I'm taking my South Beach down to Bosh's mouth."

Grimlock: Rondo! Up high, DOWN HARD! ... *pause*

Ain't no such thing as halfway Cook

Flamingo: Is there a rule that if your last name is Cook you have to shoot whenever you get the ball?

*internet search churn*

Brian Cook: 0.100 FG%, career chucker
Daequan Cook: 0.267 FG%, career chucker
Omar Cook: 0.333 FG%, no career

Me: Yes. Yes there is.

Vegemite Hate?

Me: A certain team scored 41 points in its first quarter against a certain metropolitan team named after pants...

Burger: Hey Grimlock, how you feel about what's up in Milwaukee right now? Hmm?


Me: Wait for it... wait for it...


Burger: Watch the fish, Marge...

Grimlock: First of all, fuck Bogut-

Me: THERE IT IS!!!!!!!!

TIIIIMOFEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111one